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ChillzTue616
im dan / m0x and i draw a lot and im rlly interested in coding and currently working on a website i also rlly like playing games.
feel free to contact me here or discord m0x_o#2565

Daniel @ChillzTue616

female lol

moirologist

Joined on 2/10/19

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lowest point of my life!!!!@ :DD XD :)

Posted by ChillzTue616 - July 5th, 2022


everyday i try my hardest to convince myself that theres at least one thing to live for. i lost it

i lost it i lost it and i cant seem to fi nd it, i dont have anything to live for anymore, what IS there? i've been going thru all of the things that i'll be missing out,,, driving a car, getting a girlfriend, kissing for the first time, making love, getting married, adopting a pet with my future parnter, making a career for myself, buying a house, so so much things--i'll never ever be able to see my sixteen birthday or even meet the people i look up too. ill never get to go to vidcon or highfive carykh or micheal ill never watch another youtube video ill never get to see all of my favourite artists on newgrounds theres nothing for me anymore im SO lonely. i feel like i have no friends maybe i didnt ever had any in the first place maybe i desreve this .

I dont even see whats the point of this anymore, i simply dont want to live anymore, i have no creavity left, im unable to feel happy and when i do feel at least smth it just makes me break down in tears cuz its only saddness and everything else is just filled with an unending cycle of numbness and dread LMAOO i hate how i'll have my eneemies reading this but at some point u have to swallow ur pride n whore urself out to the world abt ur undiagoised retardation thats been untreated since birth@@@.

iu_686033_7301977.pngamazing life amazing lie


song to express how i feel :) i cant stand this pain anymore

i think its abt time i actually eexplain

  • sexually assaulted by my brother at around 9. thought it was just sum game
  • 3rd grade, degraded by school tracher n treated horribly by peers, hating how i look n my life
  • 5th grade, suicidal thoughts developing worsen synptoms,
  • terrible teacher lets another student to sexually haras me, tell her, she says "no"
  • unable to draw anymore, develop porn addiction to at least cope with terible life n abuse at home n school
  • i tried to commit suicide at 11
  • told dad i ive been struggling, i get ignored told "no u dont"
  • been self harming casually for abt 4 years 11-14
  • stopped at around 14, mom caught me, blamed me said "u hurt me more by doin this!!"
  • had to stop cuz i was afraid of getting beaten even more n getting panic attacks
  • its back
  • brother still abuses me pyshically now, hitting me till it hurts and verbally degrading me
  • mother tells me she wants a divorce
  • dad is distant at least hes here but i cant shake off how he ttrated me before, its ingrained into my mind forever
  • take a break from school bc dad has covid, miss 2 weeks
  • come back to schoo, haha sup.. fuck i forgot to read spanish n python
  • i cant code i cant read i cant even do math anymore, paranoia gets worse
  • fall back into a depressive and desperate state about school
  • finals r arriving, stress is bulding up which leads me to overthinking
  • suddenly unlock all of my terible past memories
  • finals is very soon, i statrt getting paranoid, VERY paranoid, my friends r going to betray me i know it i know it
  • start to cut off evryone i deemed as degenerate even cool ppl like collin
  • finals is gone, good riddence, no more scho- oh no, nothing to do but to sit and think
  • art block, its bad i cant draw
  • sucidal thoughts? theyre back and theyre stronger than ever
  • everything is a blur i cant remember anymore
  • iu_686034_7301977.png
im so lonely
no one knows me, the
only thing to lhellp now is
if i kill myself

what now>?

I DONT KNOW@@ but this:

im going to die sooner or later maybe this year maybe the next i dont wanna turn 18

ADULTHOOD IS THE END OF LIFE

its a sin of growing up, think abt it,,


:D DDD kssuicdide kit


ill talk to u guys later

)))))i need sum time to think n reflect more thank u for reading this entirely to the endd i rlly needed the time to rrrrreleease sum of my streesss ))))))))))))))))))) ifi


Comments

im not proofreading this lmao i feel bad for anyone who read this entire thing without havin a stroke ima take a nap gn lmao

I’m in the same position myself.No friends(at least from where I’m at) and life responsibilities pressuring me everyday despite my lack of motivation.Right now,I don’t know even know how I’m still able to get up and meet the day.Maybe it’s a small sense of hope that’s still inside of me somewhere that keeps telling me that if I hang on for another day,things may get better or at least less bad than it is.Even if you have no will to go on,just keep hanging in there until things change like it always does.Stay strong!

Its actually odd to actually relate rlly personally to someone in a long time. Ur right I'll stay strong but as long as you do too man :)) thank you

glad you got it out

@ChillzTue616 Your welcome and if you ever need a listening ear,please feel free to message me anytime!

Thank you very much for your friend request,Miss!